Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
