I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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