And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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