my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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