He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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