Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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