I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
