i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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