I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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