So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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