I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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