let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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