Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
