R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
