2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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