maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize