I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
