My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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