Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
