how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize