Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
