apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
