Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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