I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
