mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
