she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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