you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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