Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
