Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
