I think my fart just growled at me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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