I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
