I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it because I queefed?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
