Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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