Screwed.edu
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
