similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
