I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
