we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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