CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
