I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
