Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
