it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize