Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
