so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dicks are not precious.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
