Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
