Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
