did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
MIDGETS
????
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize