You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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