I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Randomize
