I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
