WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
