When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
