I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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