Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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