dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
