mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize