she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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