I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize