who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
