if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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