do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
