Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize