Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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