I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
