halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
