Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
