dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
