remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize